Through my mother’s death, God has brought me unto himself and saved my life. The following is a brief look into how that came about. My relationship with my mother was dynamic in the fact that her use of prescription pills and alcohol at times forced me to be the mother while she was the child.

When she was under the influence, I had to feed, clothe, and send myself off to school; no supervision or love was given during those times. When my mother was clearheaded, she was wonderful and the most caring and involved mother she could be. I now know that my mother had her own mother loss through emotional neglect from the time she was born.

At the age of 53, my mother committed suicide; I was 30 years old. The event was both my worst nightmare and saving grace. When my mother died, I felt abandoned, neglected, betrayed, and vulnerable;all of which I had experienced in my childhood. Even though my relationship with my mother was an unhealthy one, I sought out friendships and family members to replace her. I HAD to fill that mother wound hole somehow. In turn, every person I came across had to validate me and show acceptance of me no matter the cost to myself.

Several years after my mother’s death, I knew I needed help. After several sessions with the counselor, I was referred to the Motherless Daughters Ministry. I have to say that is the point when God began to woo me and call me out of my dark past. The Motherless Daughters group I was in gave me a chance to explore my true feelings about my life with my mother. I came to realize that I truly had a crummy childhood, but God is a redeemer. God is so merciful. God protects the hurting and the broken, and God is our ONLY hope to break free of a haunting past.

I am now a graduate student at the University of Cincinnati and when possible I volunteer with the Motherless Daughters Ministry. The ministry is able to reach many broken women like me who are in need of a savior. God uses each of his redeemed to help and support people who are in this world alone and who seemingly have no hope. It is my testimony that lives can be changed through trial and suffering; in the end you come out a much stronger and better human being made in the image of the father above. The event was both my worst nightmare and saving grace.