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Random and Profound Thoughts

By: Cindy Stepanek

Scripture Passage: Amos 8

I would really like to ask, “How could the people in Amos’s time be impatient for the festivals and Sabbath to get over? Didn’t they realize what a privilege that was?” I can’t ask that. It seems like a lifetime ago that I had a similar problem. I hated church and I couldn’t wait to get out of church. I would do anything I could think of to get out of going to church. Yes, I skipped and told my parents I went. I even went to church hung over. I would be so hung over that I would fall asleep in the restroom. A couple of episodes of that and my dad came up with a plan. He knew talking to me wasn’t going to work. He waited until it was a hot, windy day in Nebraska and took us boating to Branched Oak on the rough waters. Falling off the toilet in the restroom was nothing compared to boating with my dad or spending the rest of the day lying on the outhouse floor with a hang over. As unpleasant as that was, it didn’t stop me from running from God, avoiding church and anything else I could do to avoid God. I didn’t care if He was quiet; actually I wanted Him to be silent because deep down I knew I was wrong. I wanted Him to turn His back on me and go away. But He didn’t.

Years later, I quit running and found a wonderful relationship with the Lord. Talking to Him, hearing Him and spending time with Him had become a part of my everyday life until my life fell apart in 2011. I couldn’t hear Him, see Him, or feel Him. I don’t know if He really was silent or if I was so engrossed in my personal pain that I couldn’t hear or feel Him. Either way, it was horrible and I don’t ever want to experience that again.

I have shared some of the sordid details of my past with you, not because I am proud of it. I am not. I wonder if the people in that time were aware of what was about to happen? I wonder if they were like me and didn’t care. I don’t know. I do know that it is a very sad place to be and I never want to live it again.

Dear Lord, Thank you for speaking to me. Thank you for hearing me. Thank you for listening me. Thank you for seeing me. Please help me to talk to you, hear you and see you. Love, me.

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