I turned 26 this past June. I still have very vivid memories as a 9 year old girl. Insecure. Broken. Longing. Alone. Lost. I needed someone. Anyone. To lead me and guide me. To tell me I meant something, that I was precious and valuable. Loved. My mom wasn’t available. She didn’t see me. She didn’t see that I had those needs. I had to have it all together at 9. Take care of yourself I learned. Be strong. Be tough. Make everybody happy. Keep everybody happy. I was working all the time. No rest.
I grew up. I had friendships and romantic relationships. I went to college. I became a nurse. I thought I was ok. I did my best. But I couldn’t shake that 9 yr. old girl. I could see her all the time. I could feel her pain all the time. I finally sat down and listened. I let her break. I let me break. I was so afraid. Afraid that I wouldn’t come back together again. It was rough. It is rough.
I have been blessed. To have a relationship with Jesus. To have him walk me tenderly through all this pain. To lead me to places like motherless daughters where other women walk with me through this pain. I have met amazing women. Women who get me. Who understand me and affirm me. This little group that meets on Thursdays has exceeded my expectations.
As I come to the end of this 12 week Journey, I’m excited. I’m ready to keep healing. To keep growing and becoming. All that I can be. I believe that’s possible now. I can see it up ahead. My prayer for myself and everyone who walked through this 12 weeks is that we would believe with all our hearts, that our mothers failures don’t have a say in who we are and who we can be. I pray that as we grow we forgive them, find freedom, and set them free.