Testimonies are personal statements of women who have participated in the Motherless Daughters Ministry and how it has affected their life.
Jackie (Emotionally Absent Mother Class)
What The Emotionally Absent Mother Class Has Done for Me
When I first came to this class, I thought maybe I would just learn a few things. I was nervous and did not know what to expect.
I have felt for many years that something was very wrong with me. I felt alone and that no one understood me. Not quite two years ago, I decided to try therapy, Celebrate Recovery (CR), classes—anything to help me. I was exhausted from running from my mind and emotions, as well as therapy for so many years. Plus, God was tugging on me pretty hard to do something.
Working on co-dependency through CR at my church just wasn’t enough for me. God was soon pulling me in another direction, but I did not know where to go. Then this class fell in my lap. I know God has been guiding me in this direction from day one. Getting me ready for the big reveal, as I call it. Certain things had to happen and be revealed before I could start this part of my journey. During the last two years, everything has fallen into place at just the right time.
This class has saved me in more ways than I can even begin to explain. I know without a shadow of a doubt that God Himself led me here. Although I still have a long journey of healing ahead of me, a huge portion of that healing has started in this class, The Emotionally Absent Mother. God has been working in me many years now. I have been praying a long time for answers, and I have received them in this class. This is the beginning of the end of a vicious generational cycle, or at least I hope it is.
This class has defined and confirmed that not only are my emotions and character defects real, they were validated. I now understand the reason I am the way I am. I can start working on changing as well as healing. What I learned in this class can take some people years in therapy to learn. Through God and this class my core issue was revealed to me. Just identifying the core problem was so powerful for me, because now I can put a name to it. Now I understand.
I now realize that my issues weren’t just my issues. They are the same issues for thousands—if not millions—of women in this world. Before this class, my deep scars were impossible to even identify let alone talk about. I learned that “knowledge is wisdom” and it truly is. There is much power in that statement. This class and this book know how to bring your thoughts and emotions to life. No one needs to walk around feeling numb and alone. I can finally identify with something, know it’s real and know that I am not crazy. I now understand what happened and why, which is powerful for me.
God is a gracious, loving, caring God who is healing me. I am so grateful to Him. I never understood how people could say that they feel God’s love and really mean it. I never have, and it’s because of all the walls and blocks I have had. Now I am beginning to understand as those walls come down. I now am starting to feel His love. God showed me my core issue. He spoke it to me, “Abandonment.” The light bulb turned on and my life truly flashed before my eyes that day. Everything that I have been through comes back to this. This is such a huge revelation and truly life-changing. Just knowing this and putting a name to my dysfunction is ground-breaking for me. Of course, God knows this, and now I can start the work of healing.
I am grateful for this program and for you ladies and for what you’re doing for so many women. I am thankful for your obedience to the Lord in serving others. This is what Christ calls us to do. You help to heal women, which strengthens His kingdom. You are helping women in life-changing ways.
I give glory to God for the work He is doing in and for me through you.
Leslie (Emotionally Absent Mother Class)
The Emotionally Absent Mother class has helped me in my journey for healing with my mother loss. I have learned so much about myself. Understanding why I am the way I am and what has helped to shape me into who I am.
Understanding that what happened to me as a young child (and throughout) effects how I see myself and others. Therefore, it shapes my relationships. I learned my attachment style as a result of my class.
This class has also shown me how to contradict my fears with truth. The fears and lies I’ve carried for all my life, I’ve now had tangible contradictions that I can see and prove them wrong. We’ve been able to share our insights and thoughts and reflections. Helping one another in our journeys.
The ability and chance to write a Good Mother letter was such a healing to me personally. At first, it was difficult, but then as soon as the pen touched the paper it was as if my mom had come to life on paper. It was cathartic for me.
The tangible activities that we did in class, the Legos, was a neat insight into our emotionally absent world, as well. All of the homework activities and classes have helped me in my Motherless Daughter’s journey and Cathy and Mary Ellen . . . . I love you guys. Thank you for leading this class for us.
Anonymous (Emotionally Absent Mother Class)
This class made me more aware of the role my mother played / or didn’t play. Learning that “I” just fill in the gaps that under mothering left and I need to use the tools, and ask for help to fill in the gaps.
FM (Emotionally Absent Mother Class)
This class has daughter me to have more self-will. I will be cognizant of the gaps I have from being under-mothered. Page 170 spoke to me about being my own best Mother. While working on nurturing and caregiving to myself I must be careful that I don’t repeat that feeling tone of my resentful Mother. My take aways from the special people in our class are:
- We must grieve our Mother loss, use tools to fill the gaps that loss caused and if we can do that we won’t die in our dysfunction.
- I will continue to learn and embrace who I am, what I want, what I love and who I want to be.
- I must and will take an active role in my own rescue.
- I don’t just want to survive, I want to thrive
DW (Emotionally Absent Mother Class)
The class has made me recognize now many other women are out there with similar circumstances as mine with their own mother that’s worse than mine. This class has helped me organize my thoughts about just the certain ways her behavior has left a gap or hole in my personality. Taking this class has given me an opportunity to discuss with my son daughter and husband how my mother has been around me. And to hear their responses has been somewhat surprising. It has also given me and my husband a chance to come together on seeing the ways she has affected our marriage. It has given me a better understanding of his viewpoint and how he also suffered. Taking this class has helped me get clear about her behaviors towards me and how they affected me. Taking this class has introduced me to five amazing women whom I hope to run into again. Having taken this class has given me a better perspective and empathy for the other women in my life who say they had difficult mothers.
Alicia G. (Emotionally Absent Mother Class)
I’m so glad I was able to be in a group setting with some amazing women despite what we all have been through. I absolutely loved this class. It helped me out in so many ways. First of all, it helped me realize and be truthful to myself about feeling what I was dealing with. It also brought out so many emotions and how to try to deal with those emotions.
By taking this class, it was a start on a very important path on my way to healing. I am so grateful to have experienced this. Now I know how to deal with my feelings. It helped me learn and understand my mom better and to be patient with her and to try to work with her. This was a safe place – judgement free zone.
Freda (Emotionally Absent Mother Class)
The biggest discovery I have realized is that the missing puzzle piece to my brain processing has been identified. It helps me to drill down to the root cause, to be able to stop and redirect my thinking. I would blow it off and chalk it up to my incompetence and bow tie it with negative self-talk.
Sally (Emotionally Absent Mother Class)
When I came to this, I learned that my sister and I are not alone. Others have lived this same or similar frustration of unmet expectations from their moms. The class has helped me see why I do some of the things I do. It has helped me think about my own mothering and how I want to be intentional about being a good mom. I have learned some tools for healing my wounded heart.
Pam (Emotionally Absent Mother Class)
One of the greatest things I learned in this class is that I am not alone in the mother loss experience. It has helped me be more courageous and vulnerable as I heard other women candidly share their stores. This class has helped me to explore the whys behind some areas of struggle in my life. It has been a time of uncovering childhood roots to problems I experience now as an adult. Finding the root is step one on the journey to resolving the issue.
As I’ve looked at my childhood experience with my mom, I’ve grieved, I’ve been angry, I’ve cried, and I’ve released a mix of anxiety and emotions and have come to experience greater peace. I’ve made progress and there is still more progress to be made. I’ve embraced that healing is a process and that any progress is to be celebrated. Life is a journey to be lived on day at a time.
MCC (Emotionally Absent Mother Class)
I did a lot of healing with the therapy work I’ve done for several years, but I am still struggling to stay happy and simply feel OK each day. The Emotionally Absent Mother class opened my eyes to a much deeper level of hurt, heartache and loss that I’ve been carrying around with me my whole life. Even though I had a mom while growing up, she was only a faint presence in my childhood due to illness, injury and depression. This class made me realize how deep this emotional neglect goes and how badly it affected me. The small, intimate environment of the class enabled me to share my experience in a safe, supportive environment with others who knew exactly how I felt. A bonding takes place with the others in the class, allowing you to take a look at the closed-off section of your heart, where the hurt hides. The class leaders know so much and have so much experience with this; they have great suggestions and insights for all types of situations. The class gave me a good start on processing just how much I was emotionally neglected as a child, how it affected me and how to hopefully begin healing.