I turned 26 this past June. I still have very vivid memories as a 9 year old girl. Insecure. Broken. Longing. I needed someone. Anyone. To lead me and guide me. To tell me I meant something, that I was precious and valuable. Loved. My mom wasn’t available. She didn’t see that I had those needs. I had to have it all together at 9. Take care of yourself I learned. Be strong. Be tough. Make everybody happy. Keep everybody happy. I was working all the time.
I grew up. I had friendships and romantic relationships, I went to college, I became a nurse. I thought I was ok. I did my best. But I couldn’t shake that 9yr old girl. I could see her all the time. I could feel her pain all the time. I finally sat down and listened. I let her break. I let me break. I was so afraid. Afraid that I wouldn’t come back together again. It was rough.
I have been blessed. To have a relationship with Jesus. To have him walk me tenderly through all this pain. To lead me to places like motherless daughters where other women walk with me through this pain. I have met amazing women. Women who get me. Who understand me and affirm me.
After completing the journey class, I’m ready to keep healing. To keep growing and becoming. I believe that’s possible now. I can see it up ahead.