My name is Kristin and I am the adult child of an emotionally absent mother. I want to share with you how my journey to that truth began as well as why I’m taking the Emotionally Absent Mother class from Motherless Daughters Ministry and writing about my experience. (And not just writing, but publishing.)
After college graduation in 2008, I quickly found a counselor in the new city where I was living. To sum it up, I had a lot of serious mother issues, I was severely depressed and I was in a tumultuous romantic relationship. During session #2 with my counselor, he recommended I read Understanding the Borderline Mother by Christine Ann Lawson. After our session ended, I drove directly to the bookstore and purchased the book. Understanding the Borderline Mother was a life-changer for me. Every page, every chapter was my life. Every. The beliefs I had about myself, the way my mother treated me growing up, her words and actions and distance and smothering, my moods, her moods, how I lived each day of my life, how I treated people, how I managed my relationships — it all made sense. Finally, it all made sense. This book was also a mirror and I realized I had been perpetuating what I desperately needed to escape.
The big ah-ha I discovered from reading this book was understanding I deserved love and kindness unconditionally. I was the child and she was the parent. And I will forever be the child and she will forever be the parent. That is our relationship, then and now and tomorrow.
I feverishly read the book in its entirety and then sought out more books about the mother-daughter dynamic such as Will I Ever Be Good Enough? by Dr. Karyl McBride and The Emotionally Absent Mother (1st version) by Jasmin Lee Cori. I began journaling as I read each of these books and soon my mountain of childhood memories were attached to a lot of great insights gained from my reading. Writing about my journey was and is very cathartic. But it soon became more — an obligation for me to share my story for other daughters with emotionally absent, borderline and narcissistic mothers in hopes of helping them discover their own ah-ha moments which sets them on their own paths toward healing. This is why I decided to establish www.thedaughterjourney.com. It’s basically my open journal chronicling my journey as not only the daughter of an emotionally absent mother, but simply as a daughter walking the complicated daughter journey that every daughter must walk.
Through books, counseling and medication, my emotional and mental health has fluctuated as my inner child has fought to heal. I am still very deep in my daughter journey. Taking the Emotionally Absent Mother class is part of this journey and my effort to heal. Just like with my website, I felt like something greater than me was telling me to write…to you…about my personal experience going through the class. And so The Emotionally Absent Mothers blog series was born.
To daughters on their own journey toward healing from borderline, narcissistic and emotionally absent mothers, I hope these blog posts provide relief and connection knowing you are not alone.
Love and joy to you,