When You Have No Friends

I look around me, and I see no friends. No shopping buddies, coffee dates or spa partners. I have my husband, yes, but every girl needs at least one friend.

My friendlessness is due to two main reasons: I sabotaged the relationships I did have, and I isolate myself from others.

I had a great group of friends in high school. Messed that up. It was all over a project about Julia Butterfly. My mother was in my ear the night before. “Amy isn’t helping on this project at all. You’re doing all the work.” So the next day, minutes before my friend’s and I presentation was to begin, I told my teacher just that. My friend wasn’t allowed to present with me, and she was turned to the side not making eye contact while I nailed the presentation.

This didn’t go over well with the other girls in the group, who had been friends since childhood. So, all of our fun, crazy times were washed down the drain. I spent the rest of my senior year eating my lunch in a bathroom stall because I had no one to sit with. No senior year parties or pictures. I ruined a good thing over a mean act.

Fast forward to college. More sabotage. I lost a really, really great friend and I can’t remember why. My group of friends toward the end of college were all friends with my ex, so when we broke up, so did our friendships.

I’m scared to make friends, to meet up with my husband’s coworkers, all who have wives I could socialize with.

So here I am thinking about my friendless life, and I’m sad. Sad but scared to take steps toward meeting new people. Even if I did, everyone already has their core group of friends. It would take a lot of energy to become part of a group, energy I don’t have and don’t want to invest.

So, why bother?

Source:            Used with permission

3 replies on “When You Have No Friends”

I’m sorry that you’re feeling so alone, especially during this season of the year. I can relate to not being apart of a core group. I know how hard that can be. I’m not sure what to say, but I want to say something. So if its okay, I’d like to pray for you…. Heavenly Father I thank you for Kristin. For her bold transparency. For her willingness to share the things going on in her heart and how even just that has a way of letting others who are feeling the same thing, know that they’re not alone. I thank you for the giftings You have given her LORD, especially when it comes to articulating herself through her writing. I ask Father that You would comfort her, strengthen her, surround her with people who will be a great blessing in her life and speak words of encouragement and life over her. May You anoint her head with Your love and touch her heart with Your peace. In Jesus name, amen.

I understand how you feel. I lost a lot of friends when I changed churches. I had gone there for 30 year and considered them my family but when you leave that church you are abandoned. No one stays in touch. Another reason I don’t have a lot of friends is because I chose not to have children. Boy does that put you in a different category! I found that all groups or even individuals constantly talk about their children, grandchildren or families. It makes me so uncomfortable because at this point in my life either my family members are gone or estranged. Because of this, I stopped going to events for women. They made me feel worse, not better. It’s hard, also, to find friends that understand our “growing up” situation. They just don’t get it and that also makes our lives continue to be different and difficult. I’ve learned to try to just be around people who know my past, my preferences I’ve chosen in life and are ok with it. There are not many. You are not alone.

My heart goes out to you. I understand not having friends. There’s people, but not friends. Spreading the misery, hiding it, it takes too much of an emotional toll to put the happy face on. It’s just easier to hide from life. I wish I could help. Even just talking to someone for a brief moment, that gets it, makes a big difference. Reach out if you’d like. I’m happy to be here for you.

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