My mother loss was an emotional loss because of family illness or dramatic circumstances that kept my mom emotionally unavailable to me during several critical times while I was growing up. At the best of times, mom was a loving, giving mom who was unable to express her loving feelings. She could not accept love or gratitude.
One May I decided to take my mom to lunch, just the two of us, a gift to her and a gift to me. We would spend an hour or two enjoying tea and lunch. I asked and she reluctantly agreed. I was like a little wiggly puppy looking forward to the opportunity to be two adult women more than just mother and child.
It was a sunshiny May day. Spring flowers were blooming. The air was warm and gentle. The children were with their father and grandfather. I joyfully picked mom up in our humble Chevy Nova and off we went. I planned to go to the Window Garden, a lovely tea room in Westwood.
We walked in and saw violets blooming on each table, sparkling clean windows glistening around the dining room, and smelled freshly baked bread and sweet special desserts. I was so proud to be there with mom. This was our very first time to eat lunch out together.
Once we were seated and the server brought our tea, we ordered our lunch. I wanted a club sandwich and mom, having spent much time looking at the menu, ordered a side of cole slaw—the least expensive and smallest item on the menu. I was crushed. ‘Mom, please order more. I want to treat you to lunch for Mother’s Day.”
She replied, “Judy, you can’t afford to do this.”
“Please order more.”
“No I’m not hungry. This is all I want.”
The elements around us had not changed, but the joy had been sucked out of the day.
Remember to accept the gratitude and appreciate the joy of spending time with one another.